I’ve been trying to think of a clever way to start this post, but all I’ve been able to come up with is “long time, no see” and I feel that’s been over done. I’m sure by now most of you have realized that I stepped away from blogging and social media, but I’m happy to say that my little break is over and I’m excited to be back. I decided to take some time off from the internet, and it ended up turning into an unplanned month-long break, which apparently I really needed.
One thing to know about me is that I’m a severe workaholic. It’s something I inherited from my parents, and is a bit of a blessing and a curse. Being so work-focused has allowed me to become my own boss (a trait that you definitely need if you’re planning on becoming an entrepreneur), but it also means that I have a hard time switching off and giving myself a break (especially when I’m needing one most). Because of this, I tend to push myself far past all of the warning signs that tell me I should slow down, until the point that I have a little mental freak out and recoil into myself until I gain some sanity back.
This past month has probably been my worst burn out yet. It struck out of nowhere, and even though I had content planned that I was really excited to create, I couldn’t bring myself to do any of the work. I started getting anxious about getting on social media, and couldn’t even pick up my camera or open my editorial calendar without getting mad and beating myself up over all of my shortcomings. Now that I’m starting to come out on the other side, I can see that I was just being my own worst enemy. I need to start taking more breaks and stop getting caught up in comparisons and worrying about if what I’m doing is as good as everybody else.
During my almost month-long sabbatical, I did a bit of soul-searching and a lot of things became clear to me. I’ve been so focused on work that I’ve pretty much completely isolated myself from the outside world. I’ve stopped leaving my house and going out like I used to, to the point where it’s affecting my health. I’ve lost interest in hobbies and the things I used to do for fun, and haven’t been to church in months. Basically, I’ve let work become my sole existence – all I’ve focused on for the past couple years is my blog and building my online presence, as well as trying to keep up with what everyone else is doing. It’s become exhausting being so one-dimensional, and it finally got to the point where I snapped.
Over the past few weeks, I’ve been making small lifestyle changes to get back to the person I want to become again. I’ve been making an effort to get out of the house and go do things again. Things as simple as going to Starbucks for coffee or the farmers market have been so joyful for me, and these trips have been helpful in pulling me out of my shell again. I’ve also been doing things to relax instead of focusing on work 24/7. I’ve actually allowed myself to get into a video game again and have been playing Fallout 4 like crazy lately. It’s been nice to kind of escape into a video game for a few hours, and I didn’t realize how much I missed doing so until recently. In my off time I’ve been putting some work into my shop, as well as just learning again. Learning how to do different things in Photoshop for graphic design, learning a few new photo editing techniques, learning ways to calm the mind when I’m in the middle of an anxiety attack. It’s been refreshing to discover new things, and I really feel like it’s helped me get out of this rut I’ve been in.
So where does that leave us now? I’m back to blogging, but I want to go about it a little differently this time. I’m still incredibly passionate about beauty, but I’d like to throw in some other topics from time to time. Things like books, decor, mental health, fashion, and even some recipes here and there. I think one reason why I felt so burnt out was because I felt like beauty was the only thing I could write about if I wanted the post to go over well. I’m trying to get better at throwing that mindset out the window and allowing myself to write about whatever I’d like, so expect some fun new content in the near future. Also, I got totally wrapped up in the hustle with Instagram, to the point where it became more of a “because I have to” than a “because I want to”, which never should be the case when it comes to social media. I got so wrapped up with when I was supposed to post and how aesthetically pleasing my feed looked that it totally killed my love for the app. I want to start posting again just for the fun of it this time, and if I end up posting at 10pm or go a few days without getting a new picture up, well dammit who cares?
I’ve absolutely written my heart out here, so I’ll end this before it becomes a complete novel. I’ve missed you guys and creating content for my little space here, and I want you all to know that I’m really happy to be back.