I am a jealous person by nature. It’s one of my biggest weaknesses, and something that I’m working to improve in myself. I hate to admit it but sometimes when I see a friend or fellow blogger succeeding or sharing a great idea they came up with, my initial reaction is usually “well why do they think they’re so special?” followed by feelings of self-doubt and a minor case of the grumpies.
That’s super twisted, right? Why is my initial reaction one of negativity? I should be thrilled for them, celebrating with them and happy to see them succeed, not feeling jealous of their happy moment and beating myself up for not coming up with the idea first or being as successful. I remember this happening as far back as middle school, when I’d get jealous of my friend’s artwork getting featured instead of mine, or the new girl getting the solo in choir (even though I’d never have the guts to try out). I’ve even stopped following people on places like Instagram and Twitter because that ugly green monster would show up whenever I’d see their updates. At one point it was so bad that I kept telling myself that I didn’t like this one blogger, even though deep down I adored her blog. She was such a creative person and so nice, and I let jealousy make me dislike her for a couple years. (This is so embarrassing to share publicly, but I want to be completely honest with you guys.)
Is this an issue of confidence? Self-esteem? Comparing myself to others? Whatever it is, I don’t like it. Someone else kicking butt at what they do should not affect how I feel about myself at all, and I shouldn’t be comparing my moments to their moments because we are entirely different people with different stories to tell. I feel like I’ve wasted so much time being jealous of other gals that I’ve possibly ruined friendships, my own creativity, and chances to share my unique story with the world. Who knows, maybe this is all part of my story. Maybe someone can relate to all of this and learn from it.
I’ve been working to catch myself whenever I’m having little moments of jealousy and to turn the feelings around – to instead be super happy for the person and to flood the situation with as much positivity as possible. I want to view other people’s successes as inspiration for my own, rather than seeing them as flaws and shortcomings in myself.
That Nicki Minaj quote that I shared a couple Fridays ago has really stuck with me…
“True confidence leaves no room for jealousy – when you know you are great, there’s no room for hate.”
I need to work on my confidence. I kick ass. I need to remember that. xoxo Mandy